remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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