dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
