I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
