I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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