How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize