I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Girls should come with a carfax report
Even my vagina gasped.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
