If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
