Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
