corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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