Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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