How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
