You were right. It hurts to walk today.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
