Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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