I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
