how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
