Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
