I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
