omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
