There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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