I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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