Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
