Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
