apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I didn't notice because vodka
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
