isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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