he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it was like eating out sand paper
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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