absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
