Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
