I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
