Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
