I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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