i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
