if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
