Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
