don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
