I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
