fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
