I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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