I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I am available for nakedness
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
