Screwed.edu
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
