4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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