Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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