She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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