if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
