I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Too much gin, very little bucket
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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