I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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