that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize