Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize