did you get engaged???
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
