Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
