You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just pynch a tree in the face
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
