I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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