we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
