oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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