do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize