three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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