I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
