Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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