Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
