My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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