just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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