Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize