Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
