it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
