ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
