I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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