I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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