I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
