I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
