remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
