those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
