It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
