woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
