There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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