a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I could fuck to npr.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
