come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
