I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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