I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
