just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Randomize
