I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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