some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
