Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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