Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
