dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
