Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize