I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
