I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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