question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
