I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
