party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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