Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
