I feel like I'm in dance class right now
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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