Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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