I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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